How the Tofu Face Came to Be
For the most part, I’ll eat anything. But over the years, I’ve found some foods that disgust me. Not only will I not eat them, I don’t want to hear the name of the food uttered aloud. Once the word(s) are spoken, all my disgust comes pouring out in the form of my famous Tofu Face.
I mean tofu is the vegan’s answer to Spam. It’s a mixture of all kinds of disgusting leftovers, mainly soy, that came together into this “healthy” bit of food that is supposed to give you all these benefits.
The problem is that it has the same texture as a sponge.
Well, fry it the people say. So, I tried that too. And, not surprisingly—at least to me—fried tofu has the same consistency as frying an old sponge.
Sounds delicious. Let me run out to the store this second and get some tofu! Or, I’ll save the trip and just throw my day-old sponge in some hot oil and fry it up. Who knows? We’re probably only a couple years away from finding out all the hidden health benefits of that!
But it’s not just the texture, though that sure doesn’t help anything.
The taste is just as bad.
Yes, there are plenty of things you can do it to make it taste better, such as marinating it, adding different sauces and seasonings to it, and cooking it different ways (such as on the grill), as you can do to just about any other protein.
But, in my humble opinion, if you’re going to go through all that work, why the hell not just use real meat?
If you’re a vegan, I’m sure you’ve convinced yourself that you like tofu. I mean, you’d have to, otherwise your protein would have to come from eating nuts and whatever other small pleasures you allow yourself. Tofu is the staple of your diet and I’m glad that’s how you’ve chosen to live your life.
And, to those who are vegan for health reasons, I’m sorry. I hope it helps you feel better.
No matter what you do to it, tofu tastes like your two-week-old sponge. You know it. I know it. Now stop making me try to eat it. #justmarriedlife #RandomRamblings Click To TweetPotential Health Risks
Yes, everyone claims that soy is wonderful because it has been the staple of diets of different cultures for thousands of years.
I’m not buying it.
Soy contains isoflavones, which act like estrogen in the body.
Now, I’ve done a little reading on this, and these isoflavones enter the nucleus on your cells and trigger the estrogen receptor and lead to one of two different options:
- Create more estrogen
- Reduce the levels of estrogen
Why two options? Everyone’s body is different and reacts to things differently.
Most of the time, this has no effect on women. In fact, the same isoflavones found in soy are used in some menopausal drugs to increase levels of estrogen.
However, in men this can lead to some health issues, as higher levels of estrogen can have some negative effects. For instance, one study of rats found that exposure to isoflavones in the womb led to adverse effects on the sexual development of males.
Other studies in humans, though admittedly with sample sizes that are too small to draw any real conclusions, found that soy and it’s isoflavones may lead to reduced sperm counts and lower activity levels of sperm.
Even One Green Planet’s article about why you hate tofu and how to change it, mentions that there are potential health risks and then states that it’s safe for women to eat, but notably leaves out any mention about the safety of men eating soy.
Either way, that’s enough evidence for me to stay away from it.
I’m sure if I loved tofu, I’d find studies and data that supported how wonderful tofu is and why everyone should be eating it as some cultures have for thousands of years. But it tastes gross. You know it. I know it. We all know it. You just eat it because you think it’s another superfood. You may even wash it down with a celery smoothie that’s loaded with kale and other grass-tasting ‘vegetables’.
However, as with anything, it’s all about moderation and keeping a balanced diet. Hopefully, there are other ways of finding protein in a vegan’s diet so that you don’t have to only rely on tofu.
Beyond the Science
Really, that’s just the science that I found to support my disgust. But the tofu face is so much more than science.
Jess likes tofu, at least in moderation. When she had me try it a couple years ago, after just one bit, my face twisted in disgust in ways I can’t replicate until I think of that slimy sponge trying to be classified as food.
And yes, for those who are wondering. I have tried it since. Same reaction. In a couple years, I’ll try it again. And one day, whether it’s five years or fifty, I’m sure I’ll try it and tolerate it. Shortly thereafter, I’ll probably like it.
But for now, it’s gross.
Other Foods that Cause Mike’s Tofu Face
I don’t reserve my disgust for only tofu. Of course, I haven’t been able to find any studies claiming health risks for these foods, so this is only based on my complete hatred of them.
Some of these other disgusting foods that are likely to lead to my tofu face are:
- Goat cheese
- Beets
- Cottage cheese
- Slimy mushrooms
What Foods Do You Hate?
Share the list of foods that you hate in the comments below. After all, we’re all different and have different tastes. I mean I love to add bacon to my burgers and sandwiches, but my brother hates it. (I know. I know)
Or, keep reading about how to make Jess’s Cookie Truffles, which we can all agree are delicious.
